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Struggling
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Dating and Sex Timing JUST ASK DR. LEAH... When should I introduce my child to a person I am dating?
DR. LEAH REPLIES... Don’t introduce your child to a date. There is no reason for your children to meet someone you are just seeing casually or have only dated a few times. Wait until the person is no longer a date, but someone with whom you share a committed relationship. That happens when you are seeing each other exclusively for a while and you are making plans together for the future.
Overnight activities are not appropriate. Seeing "Uncle John" or "Aunt Sue" crawling out of your bed or taking an early morning shower sends confusing messages to even the youngest child. Real grown-ups understand the need to protect children by keeping adult matters separate and apart from children. Sleeping Over JUST ASK DR. LEAH... I am sexually active and enjoy having my partner spend the night. Why should a boyfriend have to climb out the window before my children awaken? Is it wrong to be honest and open with my children about what I consider a natural part of my life?
DR. LEAH REPLIES... You are single, not dead, and entitled to a sex life. However, you should keep your sex life private and away from your children. Sleepovers are confusing to children and often cause unrealistic expectations or needless worry. Think about the questions your behavior raises in your children’s minds. What does that unfamiliar face at the breakfast table mean? A new daddy? Competition for Mom’s time and energy? A role model? Do you want to encourage your children to imitate your behavior and be sexually active before they are ready? Do you want your children to discuss openly events at home or do you want them to keep adult secrets? Children will tell friends, classmates, and the neighbors what happens at home. 'Show and Tell" revelations that mommy’s boyfriends sleep over are also ammunition for the non-custodial parent possibly to challenge the fitness of the custodial parent. You could end up losing custody. Living Together JUST ASK DR. LEAH... I never paraded different boyfriends through my bedroom. Now that I am involved with one man, we are considering living together. Since I have two preteens and a teenager, is it all right?
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© Copyright 2006 by Leah Klungness, Ph.D. All rights reserved. | Privacy Policy | Contact Dr. Leah |
Introduce your child into the
relationship, slowly and gradually. Brief get togethers are the right
way to begin. Let everyone get to know each other without
pressure. Keep it simple, an afternoon in the park, a visit to the
zoo, or may-be a movie.
DR. LEAH REPLIES... The way
you ask the question shows you are conflicted about it. While some
may regard one live-in partner differently than they do multiple
partners or a succession of partners, many do not. Even if you
think it is a committed relationship, there still are risks to consider:
confusion, inappropriate role modeling, gossip, and ammunition for the
other parent. Most live-in situations are not permanent. Likewise,
remarriages often fail. Don’t rush into it. Take time to know
what you are doing and be sure this is what you really want. If
you decide to go ahead with it, plan every aspect carefully.
